Perspective

We recently put Angel May, our dog, to sleep. Long story short, she was loyal and protective to the end. The problem is, did we do the right thing? I know deep down in my heart that we did, but some days that is of little comfort to me. On those days, I struggle with the usual: Guilt, shame, regret, anger, grief, sadness, loss, etc... I love my animals dearly and this was very hard to swallow given the circumstances.
At times like this, I have to remind myself to put things into perspective.
Just yesterday, my brother told me that a lady he works with lost her 8 month old daughter in the Oklahoma City Bombings 15 years ago on April 19th. Now THAT is unfathomable to me and I bet she suffered, and still suffers, from all of the things I listed above and more. She lost her child!
April 20th was the 11th anniversary of the Columbine shootings. Again, THAT is loss. All those families who lost their kids under those circumstances!
I can grieve for my beloved pet, but I have to keep in mind that those people lost their flesh and blood...

Just the other night, I was beyond "irritated" with Sky because she had been on a tear all day, threw a screaming fit in the car, kicking and screaming and yelling at me. She is hardly ever quiet and was talking my ear off all day. Typical two year old behavior.
Then I looked up on the refrigerator and saw the invitation for a charity golf tournament that my husband played in last year. The proceeds benefit a little boy named Gavin who has a brain defect that doesn't allow the two sides of his brain to "talk" to each other. The result is a sweet looking little boy who will never communicate normally, does not have normal motor skills, is confined to a wheelchair and may never "grow up." I bet his parents would LOVE to have the "problems" I have with my child.
I need to keep in mind that all of the things that make a two year old a handful, are things that I take for granted...

The last thing I want to say is that pregnancy comes with a whole list of complaints. Most days out of the week I am nauseous, I have to get up a thousand times during the night to use the bathroom, I am already sleep deprived so that doesn't help. My fingers swell up randomly and look like sausages, I am cranky and moody, I get tired very easily and the list goes on.
Again, there are women out there who would give anything to be me and feel my symptoms. I have to consider myself lucky that not only am I a "fertile Myrtle," but also that this is the second pregnancy I have been blessed with.
I will never know what it feels like to want a child so much and not be able to have one of my own...

You never know how much you'll love a child until you have one

My daughter is the best thing that ever happened in my life. I didn't even know I wanted her until she came. Now, I can't imagine life without her. Funny how that happens.
I have had the pleasure of spending almost every single day with her for the last 27 months. I haven't missed a single thing, the good the bad and the poopy! Staying home with her has been the best thing I ever decided to do. She has taught me more than I could ever teach her.
It is possible to love someone with every single cell of your body!

Things you say when you don't have children:


Two kids in diapers wouldn't be that bad, then you're already in the mode.
(My kid was a holy terror for awhile when it came to diaper changes. Trying not to get poop smeared everywhere while she was thrashing about like a fish on a hook was a WEE bit of a challenge. To date, she is an only child.)


My kid will NEVER act like that in a grocery store, restaurant, mall, etc..
(My daughter has "acted like that" and will again. SO WILL YOURS!)


I would not let my child look like that in public.
("Choose your battles" comes to mind. Would you rather argue with an unreasonable little person for 2 hours and NOT go to the grocery store for your donut and Starbucks fix, OR let the fiercly independent, static haired, rats nest haired, orange fishy socks with blue and pink shoes, light jacket wearing when its freezing outside, small person wear what they want and get your coffee and donuts? Case Closed!)


Bribery is bad.
(No its not and it mostly works. I say "mostly" because munchkins get smarter by the day and sometimes they KNOW you want them to do something very badly and promptly do the exact opposite, chocolate be darned! Supernanny is even hip to bribery only she calls it "a reward for good behavior." My dad calls that arguing semantics. I say "bribe your kids, you'll at least get what you want about half the time!)


My child will not eat "junk food."
(I have let my daughter eat tortilla chips and sour cream for breakfast because that's what she wanted. I knew in my heart that the carefully prepared and frozen whole oats with wheat germ and honey was better for her, but I reasoned it out in my head like this-she isn't malnourished and she is very healthy, so if its "chipeze and noki" she wants, then "chipeze and noki" she shall have! Also, fries ARE a moms best friend. When you hear the child in the restaurant screaming its probably because her mommy "would not let her eat junk food." KEEP THAT IN MIND.)


Too much TV will rot her brain.
(Not enough TV will rot yours. Face it, television is a Godsend when you are sick, she is sick, the dog is sick, during PMS, and when QUIET is on the menu for the day.)

Stay tuned for more things that I say I will never do and then turn around and do. (Hey at least I'm consistent.)

My mom actually suggested that I start blogging my experiences as a mother. Although this is not unique, my life at home with my daughter is. Therefore, I have have named my maiden blog, "here goes nothin'!"
So far, as I'm writing this, I feel like one of the millions of rats in the race. Go, rats! Go! Meanwhile, my two year old angel is repeatedly asking me "where ahKelly go? where ahKelly go, where ahKelly go?" The phrase "broken record" comes to mind. We can put a man on the moon but we can't fix broken records? (Maybe now she is actually considered a scratched CD or maybe a glitched song on my iPod). In any case, the glitched song on my iPod is now chanting, "yets go see GG! yets go see GG! yets go see GG!" I don't have the heart to tell her just yet that we aren't going anywhere because my sweatpants are really comfortable and my husbands old red shirt is comfortable and the two do not match. That's why.
Ok. So I feel pretty good about this blog. Maybe I am cut out for this after all. Mothers do know best right? We'll see...
PS. As I am rereading this, the scratched CD is sitting on the kitchen table! Mommy ah sitty on da table! Good times!